Got a press release yesterday that said the following:

Carlisle, PA – GIANT Food Stores and MARTIN’S Food Markets today announced new service commitments to give shoppers the best grocery shopping experience each and every visit. These service promises are part of GIANT/MARTIN’S ongoing focus on helping customers save money, save time and eat well and include improved customer service at both the deli counter and checkout lines.

“We know our customers are busy so every minute counts when shopping at our stores,” said Tom Lenkevich, GIANT/MARTIN’S president. “We consistently strive to raise the bar on our service. Our new service promises reaffirm our pledge to give our customers an easy and enjoyable shopping experience.”

GIANT/MARTIN’S has never been more focused on enhanced customer service and satisfaction. New service promises include:

• Speedy checkout guarantee: If there are four or more separate customers in each available checkout line at any time, the fourth in line customer will get their grocery order for free (a customer is considered fourth in line if there are three other customers in every checkout lane with a cashier).

• Deli sliced the way you want: When shopping at the deli, customers are offered the first slice of their deli order to check and/or taste. If not, they receive that ordered item for free.

Some exclusions apply. For more information, please stop by the service center of any store for complete details or visit GIANT or MARTIN’S.

KC's View: Forgive me if I seem snippy here, but … you’ve got to be kidding me.

If the retailer’s definition of being competitive in the current environment is to get you through the checkouts faster and slice your deli meat the way you want it (and actually give you a taste), they’ve got serious problems. That simply cannot be what passes for innovation in 2017 … the kind of stuff they’re talking about ought to be the bare minimum in terms of what they ought to be offering, not “raise the bar” attributes worthy of a press release.

This isn’t how you innovate. This is how you write your will.